


Small Bump

by poetdameron



Series: Jonerys Week 2017 [4]
Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Implied miscarriage, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 08:16:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12207333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetdameron/pseuds/poetdameron
Summary: When Dany and Jon left their apartment that morning, she already knew they'll get bad news.





	Small Bump

**Author's Note:**

> I almost didn't post this piece. It became too personal, but my brother encouraged me to post it anyway. Check the notes for why it was so difficult for me to finish and post this.
> 
> This was wrote for Jonerys Week, day 4: Angst.
> 
> Last, if you have tumblr and you liked this, please support me by reblogging the [original post](http://anythingforyoudoll.tumblr.com/post/165815547239/small-bump-jonerys-got-fic-jonerys-week)!

**Small Bump**

 

The two of them didn’t fit well enough for this, no matter how much Jon loved his old as dirt Pontiac.

Dany looked up to his face, the way his black curls were already sticking into the skin of his neck almost made her smile, but the heath inside the car, trapped between her legs, distracted her from any coherent thought.

He was still wearing his pants, belt and fly undone, as he opened a condom with his teeth. There was something inexplicably hot about it, Dany swallowed and tried to concentrate her eyes on his mouth as her hands searched for support, sitting even if still between his legs.

Jon Snow’s body was ridiculous.

All his forms were both, hard and soft, always warm and smelling of wood, cologne and cigarettes; to her, it was both, lust and home, all at once. It hadn’t been enough for the Lord to give him a handsome face and oh-so-expressive eyes, he had to have the sharpest abs in history, with the broadest shoulders and strongest arms.

She was sure lucky to have seen all of it for he didn’t let anyone in, his body and heart for no one to touch but her. He smiled at her as he removed his pants slightly alongside his underwear, soon wearing the condom, ready and wanting. His eyes had became impossible darker and she kissed the middle of his chest, slowly going up his body to his neck, his chin and finally his lips.

They kissed hard and foggy, tongues against each other, slowly going down for her to lay over the cushioned backseat of the car, the soft murmur of their kissing and his knees on the material of the seat becoming one with the low music coming from the front stereo.

It’s not like if they planned this when they left their flat this morning, she had just needed him after this week’s bad news. He had hold her in silence first, listening to one of his playlists of old music, back in the solitary spot at Inspiration Point where they kissed for the first time, five years ago.

But right now, he entered her, slowly and easy, making her moan as one of her hands caressed his abdomen and the other squeezed his ass just enough to let him know she wanted him whole, deeper and even harder, although their position didn’t help much with the little space left for their bodies to collide.

He trusted into her slowly a few times before starting to increase the rhythm, eyes closed and mouth hovering over hers, her face and neck. Jon looked at her at least and Dany felt the way the love in them conducted pleasure to her heart and directly to her core, she squeezed him inside her and he smiled wide.

“You are so beautiful...” He murmured, his hand spreading her leg as far as she could, searching for that spot that made her see stars. “So beautiful...”

“Oh… Jon, Jon, there...” She moaned, nails marking his shoulders red like her swollen lips. He kissed her as he rode into her harder, the car moving with their loving with its windows getting foggier.

Outside had been cold when they left their apartment building in the morning, the doctor’s office even colder, but his hands were always somehow hot enough to warm both, her body and heart, and she couldn’t stop holding it as the doctor spoke to them, his words feeling like only directed at her.

He hadn’t say much after, she didn’t cry this time either. Part of Dany just knew it, and it hurt still.

Jon leaned to her lips again, every stroke of his hips making her swallow the lump in her throat better. Sex with him was always about their souls, pleasure just another expression of everything their hearts felt for each other. Even here in the car, even when they just wanted to get the other off, even when it was fast and hard and all kinds of dirty, it was always special with him.

She loved him for that, and so much more. She had married him in happiness, ready for the lower days, knowing they could defeat anything in their way. Even herself.

“Wait, wait...” She murmured, hands gently pushing him off her. Jon blinked a couple of times, harder inside her, confused as hell and she smiled at him. “This is not working, there’s no space.”

“Uh, I— Okay, let me...” He said, gently moving from over her and her heart felt tinier. Jon was always so good to her, even when she wasn’t frail.

“Jon...” She murmured, he shouldn’t be like that.

Dany’s heart was still full, it hurt for how heavy it was, she felt like ripping it out of her with her own hands, even if it belonged to him. He looked back, still inside her, frowning at the sight of her looking everywhere but at him, one arm over her head, then moving it to cover her eyes.

“Daenerys, hey…” He moved from her and the mood was lost.

She felt her legs dead, the knot in her stomach already on her throat, fighting to find a way out. Jon kept calling her name, asking what he could do as she unsuccessfully tried to hold back the sob coming out her mouth. He said nothing.

His hand landed on the small of her back when she rolled over, naked in all senses, curling into herself. Jon caressed circles on her skin as she silently cried, not sure of what to say for this situation has been killing her since the first visit they gave to the gynecologist after a year trying to conceive.

“There’s—”

“I don’t want to give up.” She announced, voice so small it almost surprised her. Dany wouldn’t blame Jon if he hadn’t hear her, but his hand stopped and the music had been filling both their ears for long seconds before he finally moved.

“Dany...” He was going to protest, she could feel it even if she hadn’t know his tones already. Daenerys sat down, he was looking at her with a worried expression and she hoped he could see in her face not only her determination, but why she needed him to not give up either. “I want it to happen as much as you do,” she nodded, hope raising in her chest, “but,” and just like that it died, a horrified sound left her mouth and he stopped talking. “Dany— .

“Don’t!" She moved away from his touch, looking down to find her clothes but only her bra was visible. Jon must have sent her clothes to the front seats in their need. “Not now... Let’s just go home.”

But he didn’t move. If she had offended him, it wasn’t her intention, just like she was sure it wasn’t his with his words. She understood, she did. He was worried about her and probably didn’t want to get hurt again for the same old wishes. Dany understood, she was hurt, too, but to just give up now…

“Yeah...” He murmured but didn’t do anything to do as said.

Instead he fixed his pants, fly and belt closed again, and Dany swallowed. It was so odd for them to not finish, but she was— not here.

“Remember when we first talked about this?” He said, taking a look to the front seats to take their clothes with him. He offered her hers and she nodded. “Dany?”

“I do. We fought.”

“No, I don’t mean that. Before we got married, you told me about how you were told it was going to be difficult for you to get pregnant after months of dating and what did I said?”

It had been something out of nowhere, when it happened. Her nutjob of a brother had been bothering her with the truth, filled her head with wronged images of rejection as he always did ever since she was stupid enough to tell him about her physical impediment.

Dany looked up, not sure where Jon was going with this. “Yes, I remember.” She answered, it didn’t answer his last question and she swallowed before giving in. “You said it didn’t matter to you.”

“It still doesn’t.” He reminded her, he moved carefully to face her, offering his hand. She took it, still naked and starting to feel ashamed. “But it’s not about that, isn’t it? Me not caring about it doesn’t change how you feel, and that kills me.” Her face felt warm, but she frowned. “Because there’s nothing I can do about it, Dany. And I hate to see you hurt… nothing has worked until now, and I’m afraid nothing will change.”

“You think it won’t?” She swallowed, not sure if she wanted to hear what he actually wanted to say. “You don’t want to keep trying?”

“Maybe.” He licked his bottom lip, her shoulders felt hot, then cold, both heavy as her back and chest hurt at that. “Not… this.” He tried to explain but his voice sounded far away, her eyes burn and she could feel the tears forming in them. “There are other ways, there are— Dany. Dany!”

She put a hand up, stopping him from touching her again. Daenerys started to dress, the music kept filling her ears and she preferred that murmur to the rage going through her veins, whispering words of rejection and sadness that sounded too much like Viserys.

Why did she had to still bring him back to her? She had been free of him for a while by now, why was he still in the back of her mind? Dany shook her head, Jon was putting his shirt on and she swallowed.

A part of her knew he was right. They had tried as many things as they could afford and as said today by her doctor, she still couldn’t get pregnant. Her options were becoming lesser and more expensive with each she tried, she couldn’t keep doing this to him and to herself.

“I want a baby...” She said, her voice sounded alien even to herself. Daenerys cleared her throat, now on her underwear. “And I want it to be ours. That’s all I want.” He was looking at her with that frown in his handsome face again, that was the only way he looked at her now and it was killing her.

They had been such a happy couple once. Even the way they met had been happy, out of a movie, like Sansa liked to say. It had been his mother’s birthday that night, the Starks and other friends of his and Lyanna had reunited in the same bar, a large table for the adults and two smaller ones for his cousins and some friends.

She had seen him stand from his table to his mother’s too many times, carrying a big book she later recognized like the karaoke album.

Later that night, he had sang with _everyone_ , included his mother, his beloved cousin Arya, and like four times with Robb. By that last number with Robb, his cousin spotted her in her table with her friends and had singed for her, catching his cousin’s attention so he would do the same.

They had just looked at each other and ever since, she thought him the most handsome boy she had put her eyes on. _“I wanna know what love is”_ , he had sang, _“I know you can show me”_. She hadn’t expect them to go talk to her after, and Jon had stayed at her table, even with his crew yelling support at him from the distance, making her and the girls laugh.

How could she not see what was to come? That she was going to fall in love with him this hard and this deep, out of nowhere, right when she had decided she was better alone?

It was so easy to laugh and see everything on a better light since they started dating, even to open up had been easier when he had so much to share and nothing to change his mind about her. All her flaws and little scars made her more real to him, and he had loved her all the same. She felt as well for him, but now they were here, in silence, disagreeing on an important matter.

They used to be in sync with the important things, but then she had wanted to become a mother.

“Do you want to have children with me?” She finally asked.

Maybe this was the big mistake, that she never actually asked. Daenerys had shared how much she wanted to have children of her own, and he had nodded along. She couldn’t recall right now a moment when he had said so, his plans for the future before they got married was to buy a house and grow old together, like his uncle Ned with his wife Catelyn.

Jon looked at her, his fingers were interlaced, making a bridge between his legs. It was a sign that he was thoughtful, his cousin Robb and his mother Lyanna did the same thing. His eyes were firm on hers, though. Whatever it was in his mind, was something he was sure of.

“Yes.” He said.

“The we should keep trying.” She concluded.

He nodded. “Yes, I know.” Jon sighed and moved, facing her. “But it’s hurting you.”

“It would hurt me more if we don’t try.”

“But we have tried...” He offered his hand, it still made her feel safe how in moments of tension he never initiated touch without asking first. “A lot.” He said, she finally took his hand and waited for the rest of it. “I think it’s time we consider other options.”

“It’s just...”

If she said it, she was going to be the worst person in the world. If she kept feeling like this, she was letting all the old voices win everything she has been fighting since she was able to notice how fucked most aspects of her surroundings were. But if there was someone that knew her as much as she did herself, that would be Jon.

Jon would be the one to not judge her, even if part of him thought her the ugliest person in the world.

“I wanted to carry it.” She finally said, it was the first time she admitted it out loud. “And it’s not— I know that not having the chance to conceive doesn’t make me… less or something, but it’s just—” She took a mouthful or air, or maybe courage, and finally looked up at him. “It’s just something I wanted... It makes me sad I can’t.”

Dany wanted to add she knew it made her a terrible person to think like that, that she knew how it sounded and how bad other people who couldn’t see how she was feeling would look at her. Jon didn’t look at her like they did in her head, he tilted his head and sighed, moving his hand to caress her cheek and bringing their foreheads together.

That was when she realized she had been crying, when he took away her tears with his fingers to cradle her face in both his hands. She breathe with him, in and out, until her rhythm was his and her heart felt calmer. When she opened her eyes, he was kissing her forehead and Dany knew it was time to go back to real world.

“I don’t know how to help.” He said, the honesty in his words made her smile. “But… I hope you know you are allowed to feel whatever you are feeling, that includes this. And whenever you are feeling like this, better or worse, I’m always here.”

She nodded.

“Not just nod.” He smiled and hugged her, Dany closed her eyes again and rested her head over his chest, where his heart beat. “I love you.” He said against her hair. “I’ll do anything I can to make you feel better, if--”

He swallowed, she looked up at him slowly with a frown.

“What?”

“Okay, just a suggestion” He said, making circles with his finger over her cheek. “What if we don’t buy the house right now?”

“We’ve been saving for that. For years.”

“Yes, and we are buying it for our kids. Don’t we?”

Daenerys straightened her back, looking at him with surprise. Was he really suggesting to sacrifice his hard work of years for her treatment? She had thought of it, of course she had. But she never thought of voicing it, she knew what it meant. And now that he was mentioning it, she knew what he wanted.

“No.” She smiled at him, shook her head and pecked his lips. “God, no. I know why you are doing this, and I love you so much for being— the best husband in history, but no.” She sighed, caressing his face with a smile, it was the first time she felt like truly smiling all day. “Jon…”

“So…?”

She nodded. “We have other options, you are right. I’m sorry, it’s you—”

“It’s okay.” He held her again and this time, she hugged him back, feeling lighter. “We have surrogacy… or adoption.”

Dany nodded again, not wanting to think of that right now. She was still in her underwear and he was perfect, he was terrible at Scrabble and other board games, but he was perfect. Even if he didn’t cook. She smiled at him when they looked at each other and Jon kissed her, slowly deepening the kiss until she laughed into their kiss.

“What?”

“Would you kill me if I say I want you right now?”

He chuckle at that, but smiled at her. “I’ll say yes… I think that was the last condom, so… last try, maybe?”

There was a part of her that wanted to laugh, to scream or to cry. Or all three, it wouldn’t surprise her either.

When she left their apartment this morning, she knew what her doctor would tell her, she knew what it meant and how it made her feel. And Dany was glad she had Jon. If she was going to be a mother, there was no one else she wanted to father her children.

She kissed him, then. Knowing it wouldn’t matter if they had preservatives or not, but happy no matter what.

Whatever life throw they way, she could take it with him.

 

******

**Author's Note:**

> Like Dany in this fic, I can't have children. But unlike her, I didn't had a Jon at my side when I found out. So part of her POV is me remembering that time. But don't get me wrong, I enjoyed doing this fanfic, regardless of that experience.
> 
> So, tomorrows fanfic is SMUUUUT. It's going to be in the universe of this AU, in the future. You think Jon and Dany adopted or got a surrogate?
> 
> Next Up: Dat 5 - Smut. Ever since they became parents, Jon and Dany have zero time for themselves... It's time to get a nanny.
> 
> Thank you all for reading! Maybe I'll see you at [my tumblr](http://anythingforyoudoll.tumblr.com/)? Have a good day!


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